Author’s note: This is my first time completing the A-Z Challenge and even before it begins, I have been struggling to come up with a ‘theme’ that I am completely happy with. After flip flopping from one idea to another, it struck me – my theme should be anxiety! Battling on and off with anxiety for years, I can certainly write about every element of it from A-Z! I also want to use my favourite poetry type as the form for writing, so will write a “Haibun a day” for this challenge. Hope you enjoy coming along with me for the ride…
Things will be going along just fine. Life is grand. When suddenly it begins again. That familiar sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Invisible hands twisting at my gut. My brain turns a switch and I become consumed. Anxiety steals my joy and takes the living out of my life. I feel the heaviness of it settle over me. It seeps into every pore, and controls every waking thought. I am the host of an unwanted guest. I try to distract myself but I’ve played this game too many times for it to work any more. I try confronting it. Calling it out. Silently I scream, “I can hear you!” but it never stops. It can always scream louder and longer and is unrelenting. It’s like wading through a solid black fog. It may lift for a while, liquify; but it will never clear.
I dream of being free.
No longer living this nightmare.
I dream to be me.
By Sarah ©2018