She pushed the plate of food in my direction.
“Here’s your dinner,” she informed me, gruffly.
I sniffed at it surreptitiously and it was just as I’d suspected. Lamb casserole again. I shuddered inwardly. Oh no, what had I done to deserve this? I thought.
Through clenched teeth, I gave her a thankful smile; looked at her appreciatively and took a bite.
Blergh! And it was cold too! I continued to smile, hoping she wouldn’t notice my displeasure. She was clearly in a mood and I certainly didn’t want to make it worse.
Without waiting for further interaction, she stomped out of the room, leaving me to finish my meal in forced solitude. I wondered sadly, When was the last time we had eaten together? I racked my brain, but could not recall.
I finished my meal and padded gingerly into the lounge room, trying to gauge her demeanour. She had changed out of her work clothes and into her favourite track pants and a sweater that was more holes than clothing. I hated it when she wore that sweater. After all, it belonged to him – one final keepsake of a relationship she just couldn’t seem to part with. She was watching TV, totally absorbed in some inane reality show and oblivious to my presence.
I hesitated; watching her for just a moment before I entered her space. Her sweet smelling, ash-blonde hair was curled softly around her face. She hadn’t straightened it today. Her mouth, usually relaxed and smiling, was drawn and showed a rigidness that belied her casual appearance. Her light blue eyes, usually sparkling with mischief, as if she knew a secret, were dull and cloudy.
However, none of this did anything to diminish her. She was beautiful, and I knew I loved her far more than she could ever love me.
I tentatively approached and nestled in beside her on the couch. I rested my head against her warm body. I sat with her, saying nothing, waiting for her to engage. She squirmed and pushed me away. Sighing, I decided to go to bed.
* * * * *
The next morning was not much better. She was up early, well before me. Looking at her hopefully, I held up the dog lead, suggesting a walk. But she just shook her head and said, “Not today.”
I ate my breakfast and followed her outside to where she was hanging out some clothes, attempting again, to draw her out of herself. It was a stunning day – a blue, cloudless sky; the autumn leaves crimson and gold; falling slowly like burnt snow to the ground. I could smell winter in the air. I turned to see if she was enjoying the sunshine too when I noticed she had gone back inside.
As I tried to re-enter the house, I discovered I had been locked out. Accidentally, I hoped.
“Amanda? Amanda!!” I barked angrily, banging on the glass sliding door. I put my ear to the door and heard water running. She must be in the shower. Great.
It was a full 25 minutes before her damp figure, wrapped in a towel, appeared at the door.
I was so furious I couldn’t even look at her as I loped crankily past her and into the lounge room.
“Sorry! I didn’t realise you were out there!” she explained.
What, so I was invisible now too! I steamed.
Sensing her apology was inadequate, she tried again.
“I apologise for being so distracted lately. I know I haven’t been paying you the attention you deserve.”
Well, I thought smugly, this was more like it!
Still refusing to make eye contact with her, she continued.
“I’m so sorry, come here!” she said, bundling me up and wrapping me in her arms.
Aw shucks! I couldn’t be mad at her now!
“You’re always there for me Sammy! You’re my super star. You’re the only boy I need. Such a good boy. Good boy!” she cooed, scratching me behind my ears, just where I liked it.
She was back!
I smiled and licked her face wildly, as she laughed and laughed.
To you, my life may be no more than minutiae, but to me, it is my world.
She is my world.
By Sarah ©2017