It had been months since she had even picked it up. Though the music still coursed through her, the rhythm was sadder, the beat, slower than it had once been. She didn’t want to give up, but she didn’t know if she could move forward.
She ran her fingers over her throat. Feeling the clench in her jaw and her rapid breathing. She tried to calm herself.
Focusing her thoughts, she decided to get ready. She looked at herself in the mirror. Who are you? she wondered, as she took in the pallid colour of her skin. Her eyes, usually bright, were dull and flat. And her hair! She could not recall the last time she’d washed it. It hung in greasy ropes around her thin face.
You’ve got to get it together, she scolded herself. It’s been three months since you lost the baby.
She pinched her cheeks trying to draw some colour. Her husband would worry the minute he took one look at her.
Not bothering with makeup, she decided to dress instead. She picked up her favourite frock.
Usually the pattern, so vibrant and colourful, would make her feel a million dollars. Today it seemed as appropriate as wearing a clown costume to a funeral. The dress, which used to hug and flatter her curvy figure, now hung loosely from her frame.
She sighed. She couldn’t muster the energy to change so instead, turned the mirror around.
“Honey, you ready?” her husband’s anxious voice asked.
“Be there in a sec,” she replied absently.
A few seconds later, he opened the door.
“How you doing today?” he asked gently.
“Ok. The same really,” she answered.
He glanced over to wear it lay. His gaze an unasked question.
He watched her carefully, as he went over to the dresser and picked it up. He rubbed his fingers over it, and gently felt it’s cool metal frame. He turned the key and the tinkling music streamed out.
“It really was an exquisite gift,” he stated.
“Well it’s useless now,” she retorted bitterly.
It had been intended as a christening gift for their child. A tiny, delicate, sterling silver model of a violin that played music when wound.
“Aha! Maybe not,” he replied mischeveiously.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a beautiful long silver chain. Watching her, gauging her reaction like a cornered bird, he threaded it through the strings of the silver violin. He walked over to where she stood and looped it around her neck.
“Now you can keep her with you always,” he said, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Never to be forgotten.”
He wound the key again and as the tune that soothed her soul tinkled out, she sang along softly, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”
By Sarah 2017
Image courtesy of Pixabay